Family: The Ties That Kill – #BeNotorious Blog Tour Day One

Welcome to Day One of the #BeNotorious Blog Tour! We are revving up to the release of the highly anticipated sequel of Katie Jennings’ family drama When Empires Fall, aptly named Rise of the Notorious!

Follow along on this notorious blog tour from April 2^nd till release day on April 23^rd, and be sure to enter the giveaway for a chance to win some AMAZING prizes!

Today’s stop is an introduction to the Vasser Hotel family and the killer tale detailing both their fall from grace and their daring rise to infamy. Enjoy!

* * *

“Family may be the ties that bind, but When Empires Fall, they are the ties that kill…”

Truer words have never been spoken…especially if you’re a member of the prestigious Vasser Hotel family. For them, murder runs in the blood; ambitious and cold, and oh so cruel.

Step inside a world where champagne flows freely, luxury comes standard, and glorious Manhattan pulsates all around you with the rich, the famous, and the damned. Amidst it all, the illustrious Vasser Hotel stands as a beacon of extravagance, a century old and a staple to the Upper East Side.

In When Empires Fall, meet the Vasser family. On the outside, they appear untouchable. Nothing and no one can tarnish the prestige they have spent over a hundred years cementing into the very fabric of their infamous name.

That is, until a horrific event from their past, a suspected suicide of one of their own, is revealed to have been cold-blooded murder. What’s a family to do but get justice?

Alas, rarely is such a thing so easy.

They will have to fight tooth and nail against accusations that the killer is one of their own, not some outsider intent on hurting the family. And when they find out that this isn’t the killer’s first murder, things really get interesting.

But who are the Vassers, and what makes their story, one of fiery passion, scandal, and deception, so unique?

The three main characters are siblings, Grant, Linc, and Madison, who run the New York Vasser Hotel. Meet them, and the rest of the family, below:

 “Finish, good lady; the bright day is done, and we are for the dark.”

The Vasser family’s story continues on in the sequel, Rise of the Notorious. Theirs was a story much too elaborate to confine to just one novel…and the killer drama only heats up ten-fold in the sequel.

After dealing with attacks on their good name, business, and personal reputations, Grant, Linc, and Madison now find themselves in a war against not only the hungry and insatiable press, but several key enemies hell bent on ruining the family.

Only, the enemies they know about are nothing compared to the enemies waiting in the shadows. What will become of the Vasser family as they struggle to rise from the ashes of their own destruction? They may just learn some valuable lessons on who to trust, and who to destroy.

Madison takes the forefront, placing herself in the public eye in an attempt to showcase the Vasser family’s graciousness and strength. It’ll take every last innovative and courageous bone in her body to make sure her family’s legacy survives.

That is, if she and her family members can survive themselves, first.

Praise for The Vasser Legacy:

“A modern day epic in the tradition of Gone With The Wind…” -J.L. Firestone, author

“Exhilarating and fresh… Jennings masterfully weaves an intricate web of deception and lies…When Empires Fall is not as much a story about the rich as it is a story about human character.” -Cristian Mihai, author/blogger

“Deliciously distracting! A complex tale of family betrayal and false appearances.” -Elizabeth Wright, reviewer with BestChickLit.com

“The story is well developed and moves at a great pace but Katie Jennings’ real talent lies in her ability to develop fascinating and compelling characters.” -Martha Bryce, book blogger

Rise of the Notorious

By International Bestselling Author

Katie Jennings

Coming April 23, 2013

Click HERE to Enter the Giveaway!

* * *

Meet Katie Jennings…

International bestselling Author Katie Jennings is the author of six full length novels, including the popular fantasy series The Dryad Quartet as well as the bestselling family drama series The Vasser Legacy.

She lives in sunny Southern California with her husband and cat, who both think she’s the biggest nerd ever. She’s a firm believer in happy endings and loves nothing more than a great romance novel.

You can find out more about Katie on her official website, www.katieajennings.com.

“Readers captivated by Near Death will eagerly devour Near Sighted, the much anticipated second book in Richard C. Hale’s riveting thriller series. Near Sighted continues the story of Jake Townsend and his mind reading technology as he attempts to find equilibrium between what he should and should not do with the knowledge. Jake feels his life has moved on, but when his dreams return and he sees a glimpse into his future, he discovers that the nightmare has only begun. Somewhere, someone has stolen his secrets. And as he learns of their evil purpose, he must find a way to stop them. Or risk losing everything he holds dear. Once again, the fate of the human race hangs in the balance and Jake holds the key. But will he have the courage to use it?”

As a special gift to you, in celebration of the release, I’m giving NEAR DEATH away free for the Kindle and all apps February 26-27, 2013. I know, I’m crazy like that, but I didn’t want you to feel left out. So, if you haven’t read NEAR DEATH, get your copy by clicking here. And then go buy NEAR SIGHTED and enjoy Part 2. It will be fun!

If you just have to have the print version, I expect those to be available in the next two weeks. The cover is pretty awesome and I can see why you’d want to have it to share and show your friends. It just takes a little more time to percolate and I wanted those who love their e-readers and tablets to have it as soon as it was available. I’ll announce it here when the print is up.

It’s easy! Get a FREE copy of NEAR DEATH and then get the sequel, NEAR SIGHTED, for a great price of $3.99

CLICK HERE for NEAR SIGHTED ->-> Awesome!

CLICK HERE for your FREE copy of NEAR DEATH->-> Sweet!

Embrace the creepiness!

Chapter 3

Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Bartholomew Guillott adjusted the chair and then stood, looking over his handy work. In the reclined position, it resembled a fancy dental chair but much more sophisticated. The chamber it sat in was what made it remarkable.

The chair was part of a system Bart had ‘stolen’ and improved upon. The chamber was a necessary component if he wished to take the next step along the evolutionary path which called to him. It was built to contain energy and nothing else. A lot of energy.

Bart grinned. His work could now begin.

Elise Boudreau walked in and wrapped her arms around him from behind. Her hand dropped to his groin and softly groped him there. He smiled and leaned against her, the scent of her filling his senses. He grew aroused, but pushed her hand away after a moment. He turned to face her and said softly, “Not now, my love. We have work to do.”

She pouted, but then smiled mischievously. “I’ll make you earn it afterwards.”

He grinned. “Of course.” And kissed her softly, then more urgently. An annoying whimper from outside the chamber brought him back. He broke away and grew serious. “Let’s invite our guest to relax,” he said.

They approached the bound man together and looked down upon him as he struggled against the bindings that held him captive. His name was John Miller and though he had somewhat of a simpleton’s name, he was nothing of the sort. John Miller was a natural born killer and bad all the way to the core. Bart liked him immediately.

John looked like a trapped animal as his head moved back and forth between him and Elise. The duct tape over his mouth prevented them from understanding what he was trying to convey, but Bart could put words in his mouth. He was sure it was not complimentary. Bart reached a hand out toward John’s face and watched the man flinch and turn away. Bart smiled and grabbed the tape, giving it a not so gentle yank. John screamed as the tape tore away a layer of skin from his cheek and lips. Blood started to drip from the abrasions almost immediately.

“Fuckers!” he yelled as spittle and blood sprayed over Bart’s shoes. Elise laughed and this simple gesture made John stop squirming and grow silent. Bart enjoyed seeing the realization in John’s eyes that he might end up like one of his victims. Of course, Bart had no intention of anything like that. John’s demise, or maybe re-birth, would be oh so much better.

“What the hell do you sickos want with me?” John asked after a moment. The blood continued to drip silently down his chin and onto his chest. It made him look like a horror flick actor.

“Just your memories,” Bart said.

“What?”

“You heard me. I need your memories. Actually, just one memory if I’m not mistaken. That shouldn’t prove too difficult, should it?”

John looked frantically back and forth between him and Elise and blubbered, “I’ll tell you anything.”

“I know you will.” Bart turned to Elise who smiled sweetly at him. John started thrashing again against the restraints.

“Come now, John. You need to simmer down. Do we need to sedate you again?”

“Don’t touch me,” he shouted. “Keep her away from me!”

Apparently John had not taken a liking to Elise and her abduction techniques. Bart sighed. Most men could not appreciate her talent. It had been a wonder he had even found her, but then again he always imagined they were destined to find each other.

She had seduced John Miller at a bar in his hometown of Billings, Montana, and taken him back to her hotel where she proceeded to beat him to within an inch of his life. For a big man, he hadn’t been able to fend her off, much less injure her. She had been very effective. That was two days ago. He spent the last twenty-four hours bound, gagged, drugged and abused as she drove him to the lab in Jackson Hole. It had not taken much to learn to fear her.

Bart and Elise went to either side of John and picked him up, carrying his thrashing body to the chair. “You need to simmer down, John. Elise is growing impatient.”

John stopped squirming and let them tie him down to the chair. They then began hooking wires and sensors to various points on his head and body. This took about ten minutes and John remained mostly still during the procedure.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Bart asked.

The man said nothing. But if he could read his thoughts, Bart was sure they were full of expletives. He didn’t blame him.

After the leads were attached, Elise pulled down a tan, body length mold from the ceiling and lowered it so it covered John’s body from feet to the middle of his face. His eyes and the top of his head were all that could be seen. The body mold had numerous connections, which snaked up into the ceiling of the chamber and fed the massive computer system that served as the brain of the device.

“What the hell are you people going to do to me?” John asked quietly.

“We’re going to read your mind,” Elise said.

John winced at her voice. “You have a machine that can do that?”

“You’re in it,” Bart said and smiled. “Now relax and do as we instruct and this little experiment will be over before you know it.”

He and Elise exited the chamber and sealed the door. The six-inch thick, clear, polycarbonate plastic making up one whole wall of the structure allowed them to view what was happening inside the chamber, but kept it soundproof. The only way to hear and communicate with the test subject was through an intercom system piped into the room and console area.

“Will he do what we ask?” Elise said.

“What choice does he have? We can tell what he’s thinking. He can’t hide from the Machine.”

Bartholomew Guillott held a PhD in biomedical engineering and a Master’s in computer engineering. He had been at the top of his class, but had little use for the scientific community. He wanted to be famous and was doing his best to promote that wish. In his own way.

He had heard of a technology developed by an engineer in Florida and studied what he could find on the subject. The man was either a genius or largely lucky. This is what Bart had been waiting for. He hacked into the databases at Encephalographic Systems and CRAY computers and basically stole everything he needed to reproduce the technology—only vastly improved. At least in his eyes. His Machine was more powerful and without the encumbrances in place at the Florida lab. He wouldn’t be holding back.

It had been fun testing the system on each other. Bart had been first and as Elise watched the monitors display his thoughts in a video representation, she smiled and removed all of her clothing, masturbating to his fantasy played out in living color. She told him it was like watching herself have sex on TV. Her mind reading display was something he couldn’t believe she could imagine. He had told her afterward they needed to act it out for real. He had been sore for three days.

The Machine worked flawlessly but the true test would be tonight. He pressed the intercom button and said, “Can you hear me all right, John?”

“Yes.” His voice sounded small and afraid.

“Good. This is easy on your part. All you have to do is relive your Near Death Experience in your mind and everything will be peachy.”

“No.” On the video camera, which perched over top the chair, John Miller began to sweat.

“Now, John. Why are you being difficult?”

“I’m not going back there.”

“John…”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

John’s eyes flitted around, panicked. “I just can’t.”

Bart hadn’t expected this response and he was concerned they were not going to get what they needed. He turned to Elise. She shrugged and leaned over into the microphone.

“John?” Her voice made him flinch. “I’m ready to play again if you are? How would you like that?”

“Eat shit!” he yelled. “Keep her away from me!”

“Time for a trip back in time, John,” Bart said.

John took a big breath and exhaled shakily. “Okay.”

“Fine,” Bart said. “Begin anytime.”

The video screens in the console displayed a driving rainstorm pelting a windshield so hard the wipers could not even make a dent in the water. It was night and headlights threw glare onto the glass hampering John’s vision even more. Drunken singing could be heard as John enjoyed his buzz from the bar. He never saw the semi coming.

Blinding light filled the screens and then a horrific tearing sound blared out of the speakers. Bart and Elise actually ducked. It was so real. The scene changed to one from above the accident and suddenly horrible music could be heard through the speaker system as John’s death was announced. He floated above the scene and watched the truck driver run through the rain to his car and pull his body from the wreckage. The man shouted into a cell phone and then started performing CPR on John, trying to revive him.

John looked around the dark void he was in and could see a light appear in the distance. It glowed blood red and grew in size as a murmuring of urgent voices penetrated the horrible clashing of notes. The voices grew in volume and demand as John’s life began whizzing by him into the glowing red orb. He watched, mesmerized, as everything he had ever done in his life was replayed in all its wonder and monstrosity for him to relive. The deaths of the three college co-eds were the main feature and the vision of the murders slowed for his review. Suddenly, a loud thud could be heard in the air and John watched the paramedics who had arrived shock his body with a defibrillator. Lightning shot from within the red orb and struck John in the chest. He was dead but felt the terrible burning pain stronger than any pain he had ever felt before. He moaned. The defibrillator fired again and another electric bolt shot from within the light and struck him again. He fell from his lofty place and sank back into his body. He was alive.

The vision ended and John could be seen panting in the camera, gasping for air as he lived through the memory of the event.

“Stop! Stop!” he shouted. “What are you doing? It’s like I’m living through it again. Please make it stop!” He sobbed as tears ran down the side of his face.

“Now for the fireworks, John,” Bart said into the intercom and he pressed the replay button on the console causing the recorded session to be played back. Bart was still not quite sure what was going to happen. He had seen a video of the system in Florida, but it was just a video. This was the real thing.

John’s video played back and as the horrible music began, the sound was so deafening, Bart’s ears felt as if they were going to bleed. Elise pressed her palms to her head trying to block the cacophony of noise that permeated the air, but her pained expression told Bart it made little difference. A rumbling grew and he could feel the floor vibrate, then shake as if from an earthquake. Everything shifted suddenly to the left and Bart fell to his knees. Elise fell into him and he caught her but not before she banged her head painfully into his shoulder.

“Are you all right?” he shouted above the horrendous noise.

She nodded slowly, holding her head in her hands.

In the chamber, a bright pinpoint of light appeared above John and then ruptured into a gash of purple sparks as the rip in the dimension opened up above the chair. John could be heard screaming through the intercom as wind whipped his hair, whirling dust and dirt in a small tornado inside the chamber. Blood red light pulsed from within the void that had opened over him and murmuring voices could be heard through the speakers. They grew in volume as Bart could now hear John’s name being called over and over again, mockingly.

Elise pointed to the temperature gauge that monitored the cooling system for the computer and he was shocked to see it at 99%. It would overheat. The video screens caught his eye and he watched as hundreds of arms and hands reached through the void and pulled at John in the chair. He thrashed back and forth shouting “No!” but they would not be denied. Bart turned to the chamber window but could discern not a single hand, or arm, groping at John. It was only on the video monitors.

The paramedic’s defibrillator was firing in the vision as lightning shot out of the void, striking the side of the chamber. Sparks flew but nothing else was damaged. The chamber was holding. The next defibrillator fired and a second bolt of lightning vented from the red void striking the door. It flung open and slammed against the wall with such force the hinges failed and the door crashed to the floor. A maelstrom erupted from within the chamber and the horrible noise of it drove Bart flat to the floor as his senses were overwhelmed. Elise was screaming. With one last whoosh of dust and dirt, the dimensional rip clapped shut and silence settled into the lab as the whine of the cooling system spooled down.

Bart looked at the monitors. John Miller was gone.

It’s natural to want privacy and sometimes it just isn’t possible in this overcrowded and growing world. But if your neighbor has some peculiar, or irritating habits, it can be downright miserable. This may just be the case if an author lives next door to you. If you’re unsure, these 5 tips should enable you to tell.

 1. The Trash Is Always Full

You grab the dog’s leash, a bottle of water, and head outside for Fido’s morning ritual. As you get to the end of your driveway/walkway you look left and notice the neighbor has trash piled up to the sky. And it’s all paper. Crumpled up sheets of paper. This confounds you and you feel compelled to take a look. Glancing around to make sure no one is watching, you casually stroll up to the pile and pull a wadded up piece out and uncrumple it. It has one sentence on it; ‘Once upon a time…’ You’re in trouble.

2. The Mailbox Is Overflowing

As you toss the paper back into the pile, you notice the mailbox is overflowing and some of the mail has ended up on the ground. The good neighbor that you are, you pick it up and attempt to jam it back into the box. Unsuccessful, you stand there holding it wondering what to do as Fido stares up at you with a look that says, “WTF? Are we gonna shit or stand here all day? I’m going in a sec if you don’t move.” Now, the mail is federally protected and has numerous legal ramifications for violating those sacred acts of privacy, but you’re standing there holding the neighbor’s mail, assisting them in securing it so that the unscrupulous passersby of this world don’t mistake it for refuse and add it to the pile accumulated just to the right of the box. And you’re going to look at it. You can’t help it. It’s in your hands and your eyes wander to it. The return addresses are all alike: Various publishers. You hope you aren’t right.

3. Your Neighbor Is Always On The Verge Of Tears

As you’re standing there holding the mail and wondering what to do with it, Fido woofs softly at you and you look up. Your neighbor is walking down the driveway/walkway toward you carrying another bag full of trash. He eyes you with an embarrassed look and speaks. “Hey Jim. Is that my mail?”

“I found it on the ground,” you quickly reply, extending your hand toward him and smiling.

“Oh. Thanks. I guess I forgot to get it.” He grabs it from you and glances at it. His face falls and he looks about to cry.

“You ok, John?” you ask.

He sniffs once and nods. “Fine. Thanks.” He tosses the bag of trash on the pile and turns to go. You look at Fido and he seems to shrug. You do the same. The man definitely has issues.

4. Your Neighbor Is Always Slamming Doors

As your neighbor reaches the front door, he opens it quickly and then slams it shut with window rattling force. You’re no construction engineer, but you’re pretty sure that he may have just caused structural damage to the house. Fido woofs again and you agree. That dude is psycho. You move off away from the piles of trash and mail, and Fido can’t hold it any longer. He squats and takes a crap right there in your neighbor’s yard. You forgot your little doody baggy. You figure your neighbor won’t notice anyway. He’s too busy moping.

5. Your Neighbor Cusses A Lot

After Fido finishes his duty, he looks up at you pleasantly pleased with himself and you move off to finish the walk. As you pass the edge of your neighbor’s house, you hear loud shouting and cussing. You pause and wonder if you should check to see if he’s ok. It quickly subsides and you decide it’s not worth it. You have your problems and he definitely has his. Fido is thankful and he wags his tail as you leave the neighbor’s house in your wake. One thought crosses your mind as you turn the corner: You’re glad you’re not an author.

Lots of us use the Internet. Actually, you’re using it right now if you’re reading this (unless someone printed this out and brought it to share at work or your kids soccer match). And a lot of us use it wisely. Yes, we’ve all had our ‘bad Internet days’ just like our ‘bad hair days’ (for me, it’s a bad hair life), but for the most part it is a useful, informative, fun tool that brings us joy, sorrow, pain, enlightenment, anger, peace, knowledge, games, friends, family, shopping, surfing, and even Honey Boo Boo.

For some of us it is a source of income. For others, a way to scam folks. With every useful invention this world has ever seen, some asshole has figured out a way to take advantage of it and rip people off. Isn’t life grand.

But whether you’re an old pro at surfing the Internet (I reached the end. Now what?) or have been living in a cave or retirement home and this is your first trip along the electronic pathways of the computer super highway, there are a few things you should be cautious of.

Not all of the Internet is rosy and suitable for everyone. And not everything we all have to say is meant for little Timmy’s eyes. Just saying. So, with that in mind, here are my 10 Things You May Not Want To Do On The Internet.

1. Don’t piss people off

I’ll give an example. As an author I have the ability to create characters that might fit any mold. I had a gentleman leave some very inappropriate comments about me on Twitter and Facebook. He was very open about his identity. Suffice it to say, his namesake will now be forever glorified in one of my upcoming stories as a character of questionable taste.

So, if you don’t want to be known as a boil encrusted carnival worker, who lives for dressing up as a little boy, is addicted to gay porn, and can fit inside of a small box…twice…be nice. Whatever you put on the Internet stays on the Internet.

2. Don’t make up things about other people

This kind of goes hand in hand with #1. Usually, if you make up stuff about people, it pisses them off. Nobody wants to come back to their computer they left logged onto Facebook and find that some ‘friend’ had posted something on their timeline that was complete fiction. Nor, do most people want unflattering cartoons uploaded to any number of social websites with their face superimposed upon a pic of a dude in a diaper.

In some cases, making up things about others can be beneficial to the recipient, but only temporarily. Sooner or later, their friends, or boyfriend, will find out that they were not engaged to Brad Pitt, or that tattoo obtained on a night of complete abandon does not depict their made up childhood playmate.

But, if you must make up crap about someone you know, flattery usually is preferable to embarrassment. “Wow! Here’s a pic of Sally looking hot in her Spanx!”

See what I mean.

3. Don’t talk about your vacation plans

Mentioning your vacation plans online should be a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people do it. As secure as the Internet may seem to some, believe it or not, there are those out there that will peruse the social networks looking for opportunities. Telling the world you’re about to embark on an all expense paid trip to Palatka, Florida can very well end up with you on the phone to the local law enforcement when you return. Might as well give out the code to your alarm system, or where you hide the emergency key, while your at it.

And uploading pictures to Facebook showing yourself having that Pina Colada at the seaside bar with a caption explaining that you hate the thought you’ll be returning to that horrible place you call home, next Tuesday at 3:32 pm, sharp, on Delta flight 267 from Fort Lauderdale, is also inadvisable.

I know you want to show your friends and family that cool photo of yourself and your family at the Varmint Tar-pit, but save it until you get back. You’ll thank me later.

4. Don’t take pictures of your junk. It just might end up on the Internet. Or CNN

I know taking a quick snapshot of your privates with that brand new smart phone you got for free from Verizon sure is tempting, but just be aware that it may end up on the Internet. How you ask? Have you ever ‘butt’ dialed your boss? Or ‘butt’ texted your sister? Or ‘butt’ reviewed your favorite thriller book on Amazon? Accidents happen, and if it’s on your phone, it could be on the Internet. Just ask some of those famous politicians.

If you send that awesome shot of your V-jay-jay to your boyfriend, who’s to say he won’t show it to a buddy? Or it was mistakenly attached to every single person in your phonebook? It’s happened. Be careful out there. Taking pics of your junk is never fun when you have to explain it later.

5. Don’t date anyone on the Internet. It might piss your spouse off

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Wanna go out?”

If this has happens to you, shut the browser down and log off the computer. There is no way to tell who you’re really talking to. Not only could it be your spouse checking to see where your heart really lies, it could also be a creepy circus clown and we all know what that would be like. You’d end up shoveling elephant flops after the show or helping them blow up balloons that eventually become some weird animal at a birthday party. Not fun.

Online dating services have grown in popularity and though it may be tempting when you see that glorious picture of the guy with the oiled up pectorals, just remember that anybody can put up any picture on the Internet. Who knows, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a ‘butt’ texted picture. See number 4.

6. Don’t type into your browser bar ‘Chubby dot com.’ Seriously. You’ll be sorry. Or ‘Pen Island dot com.’ Or ‘An US Land Owner dot com’

Notice how I didn’t actual put a dot in there. I don’t want you to accidentally click on a link that will result in hours of frustration. I know now that I’ve said something, the urge to type those things into the browser bar will be irresistible, but trust me, you don’t want to. Oh hell, go ahead if you must. Just remember, I warned you.

7. Do not relinquish control of your computer to a website claiming they can fix it

Viruses and malware can be frustrating for all of us and I, for one, have spent countless hours removing nasty bugs from the memory of my little computer. Even the ones with the cute names (the Ilovebunniestrojan) can be a nuisance and in some cases, downright detrimental to your health and the health of your computer. Nobody wants to lose all those pictures of Aunt Ethyl and the family reunion to some hacker’s wet dream. I know I don’t.

But if you should run into a problem, giving up control of your computer to some remote service online is not something I would recommend. Who knows who you’re dealing with? More than likely, the ‘tech’ is no more trained in the functionality of your PC than you or I. And they usually follow a script or checklist that is written in English, of which they probably only know 20 words. Not the kind of help I want.

If you feel you’re lucky enough to get a real, honest to goodness tech, they are probably not paid much and the sale of credit card numbers or passwords to your bank account probably draws a much bigger payday for them and are easily discovered when you hand over the keys to your plastic and metal byte cruncher. Call tech support on the phone. You may not be able to understand them, but at least they aren’t up in your business.

8. Do not respond to a Youtube video while drunk

This is a tough one because most people who are drunk enough to respond to a youtube video will not remember to avoid this embarrassing act. The last time I imbibed too much tequila, they informed me I acted out the whole movie The Princess Bride. It’s a great movie, but probably not in the hands of moi. At least nobody caught it on camera or I would be providing a link for you.

If you are drinking heavily, have a designated Internet driver. That way, you will have some protection in case you have the urge to act out “Extremely Scary Ghost Elevator Prank In Brazil.”  Drink responsibly.

9. Do not stalk old girlfriends or boyfriends

The urge to seek out an ex may seem fun to fulfill at first, but when you dive into that search headlong, you open yourself up for some unpleasant surprises. What if they’ve forgotten you? Or worse, what if they remember you and have created the Internet equivalent of a shrine in your name? They could belong to a cult that does not forgive. Or work for the IRS. Anything is possible and it’s probably best to leave the past in the past.

If  you just have to know if they’ve blimped out or lost all of their hair, be warned that you risk being discovered and then the door is wide open.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I just wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m fine. I hate you.”

Just saying…

10. Do not send $5000.00 to a man in Nigeria because your Uncle did

This should seem obvious, but the guys over there are apparently making money because they keep doing this. I just got the Nigerian Scam e-mail again the other day. I wanted to have a little fun, so I e-mailed them back a comprehensive questionnaire about their hair and nail styles over there that included over 50 questions. Surprisingly, they responded and actually tried to answer the questions. Who knew?

1. Q: What do you use for hair gel in Nigeria? A: Ground Hyena toenail.
2. Q: What is the most common toenail color? A: Meat.
3. Q: What is your preference for shampoo? A: What is shampoo?

They didn’t answer all the questions but they made an attempt. Pretty ambitious if you ask me.

Delete the email and move on with your life. You will not be collecting $200,000.00, you will not be passing go. Remember that if it’s too good to be true, it’s too good to be true.

Stay safe

There are so many things in this world you have to watch out for and the Internet probably leads the pack. It’s a shame, I know, but if you use a little common sense and try to think like a scumbag every once in a while, you may just avoid being taken advantage of. Stay tuned for more tips in the future and if you want to tell me yours, you’re more than welcome to leave a comment. In the meantime, stay safe and embrace the creepiness.

Rich

1. I will not blog about the publishing world, the business aspects of publishing, or all the other boring, but rapid, changes going on in the industry.

This will be the last mention of this topic for the year as I don’t feel it belongs on this blog. I’m a writer, yes, and I care about the industry and what is happening in the publishing world, but you, my readers, probably do not. If you’re interested in learning about and staying on top of all things publishing, here are a few very good sites that I feel have their fingers on the pulse of the industry.

J.A.Konrath, The Passive Voice, Dean Wesley Smith, Russell Blake, Kristine Kathryn Rusch

See how boring that was?

 Enough about publishing.

Last year held many exciting things for me and one tragic event that shaped the rest of the year. I lost my father in January of 2012 and it was very tough. Not only was he a man I trusted and respected, he was someone I could talk to about anything. He listened, and whether I wanted to hear it or not, he told me what I needed to hear. I miss him very much. He is, and always will be, my hero.

I published my second novel and a couple of short stories and they have all done well. It’s been nice to see both NEAR DEATH and FROZEN PAST in the best seller lists for their genres on and off during the year, and FROZEN PAST even reached #1 in its genre in the U.K. for paid books. Pretty fun!

I completed two more novels and a couple of short stories that will be published in the first quarter of 2013. I’m excited about them and hope they live up to my expectations. Look for them in February and April.

I’ve made many new friends and connected with readers and fans over the last year and I’ve never felt more blessed and lucky for all the wonderful people that have entered my life. Thank you.

I reached a milestone in my career with the FAA and though I call it my day job, it has always proven to be exciting and interesting and a profession filled with many skilled and talented individuals. I feel honored to be called an Air Traffic Controller and proud to have provided so many years of safely guiding folks home. It’s still the safest flying system in the world. Awesome!

Now for the rest of my new resolutions:

2. I resolve to entertain

What I will do on this blog is attempt to entertain. Isn’t that a writer’s job? It’s all about entertainment and providing a few minutes or a few hours escape from the worries of the world. Whether it be a short story I post free to the site, a preview of upcoming novels or stories, my take on all things creepy in this world, or to share something I think you will enjoy, such as a new author or book I loved, or even a video on YouTube that made my day, I resolve to make the blog something lighthearted and fun. I’ll do my best to entertain.

 3. I will publish 5 – 7 novels in 2013 and the same number of short stories

Novel #3 and #4 are already completed and have tentative publishing dates in February and April. #3 is the second part in the NEAR DEATH trilogy entitled NEAR SIGHTED. It’s a little darker than the first, but I’ve always been creepy in my writing. That’s my thing: Creepy Thrillers. It follows Jake, Maddy, Bodey, and Peter Smith, continuing the adventures into mind reading and the afterlife . A few new characters are introduced and I hope you’ll find them as like-able as I do. Stay tuned.

#4 is the second in the Jaxon Jennings series and is called CACHE 72. It’s the ultimate scavenger hunt taken to the extreme and pits Jaxon against a psychopath who will stop at nothing to exact his revenge. The story, from start to finish, takes place in a 72 hour period, so it definitely moves along like a thriller should. I can’t wait to bring it to the readers and had a blast writing it. The story consumed me for 30 days with the majority written between November 1st and November 22nd. It just had to get out.

3 more novels are in the works along with a number of short stories and novellas. 2013 should prove very productive and I’m excited to bring them to you.

4. I will consume more pizza

What does that have to do with my writing? Well, when I eat pizza late at night, I have weird dreams. And a lot of those weird dreams turn into creepy stories. Nothing like a little nocturnal indigestion to get the muse going. And I know how much you guys love the creepy stuff. So more pizza it is. Doesn’t really feel like a resolution, but it will be me suffering at night. I’m on it!

5. I will spend more time with my family

Lastly, but most importantly, I resolve to spend a lot more time with my family. They deserve it and so do I.

At the end of the year we’ll see how I did. In the mean time, have a very happy New Year and hug the ones you love. It really does help. More creepiness next week. I promise.

And if you’d like to read what some of my Creepy Thrillers are all about, click here for Near Death on Amazon. And click here for Frozen Past. Shameless plug, I know.

Be well!

]]> http://richardchaleauthor.com/2013/01/01/5-new-years-resolutions-for-me/feed/ 4 http://richardchaleauthor.com/2012/12/24/10-ways-to-make-christmas-enjoyable/ http://richardchaleauthor.com/2012/12/24/10-ways-to-make-christmas-enjoyable/#comments Mon, 24 Dec 2012 14:35:55 +0000 R. Hale http://richardchaleauthor.com/?p=830 It’s Christmas and the world is good. At least for me. I”m trying to maintain a positive outlook during the holidays, and though it may  be difficult at times, for the most part, I love the season. But sometimes, things can get in the way of an enjoyable yule, and I’d like to give my take on ways to make sure it remains pleasant. Grab an eggnog and sit back. We’re about to embark.

1. Don’t eat the fruitcake

It may look tempting with all those glowing colors and that spicy scent wafting up from the packaging, but don’t be fooled. It’s one molecule away from plastic. If you don’t have a problem with your digestive system and the consumption of ethanol based products, then dig in, but for most of us, the fruitcake is a  no-no. I’ve tried and tested it already for you, so you don’t have to take the risk. I even offered it to the dog and he tucked his tail and ran. Wait until Aunt Ethyl turns her back and then chuck it in the trash. You’ll thank me later.

2. Don’t wear the sweater

If Aunt Ethyl doesn’t come through with some fruitcake, then you may be the proud recipient of the Christmas sweater. It happens. I feel for you. But there is one solution I can offer that may make things better. Take a picture of yourself in it and send it via snail mail to your Aunt. Then, destroy the picture and the sweater at the same time and you’ll never have to wear it again. Whatever you do, do not submit the picture to her in any electronic format like e-mail or a Facebook message. You’ll end up all over the Internet. You’re welcome.

3. Don’t feed the dogs Christmas Chili

This should be self explanatory, but you’d be surprised how often this little lapse in judgement has ruined many a Christmas night. Take it from me, the canine digestive system is not well equipped to handle fiery chili con carne. The beans alone will wreak havoc, but when you add spices, stand back. If you’ve ever witnessed explosive diarrhea coming from your pet, it can be quite humorous. Until you have to clean in up. My living room wall still has stains. Even through the new paint. Just saying.

4. Read the directions

If you have purchased an item that requires some assembly, read the directions. I know, most of us believe that we intuitively know how to do everything all the time. And for the most part, this is true for me (Ha!), but if your daughter’s Easy Bake Oven doesn’t bake anything, she’ll let  you know. It only takes a few extra minutes. Suck it up and put your pride away for a bit. The brownies will be awesome if you do.

5. Don’t drink too much eggnog

Not only will your family appreciate this, you will too. There’s no reason inebriation needs to be part of the day. Ok. Maybe if the in-laws are in town and you’re wife’s mother just won’t stop talking about her corns or bowel habits, you could have an excuse for it, but try to resist. Turn the TV on, put it on some sports, and nod occasionally at appropriate times. She’ll appreciate it and so will your wife. If  you do consume a little too much, don’t talk about your old girlfriend or the time you and your buddy lost all your money at the track.

6. Go easy with the camera

If  you’re lucky enough to receive a new camera as a gift, take it slow. Everybody loves pictures at the holidays, but with the high memory of the latest devices and the eagerness of the new owners, clicking the button over a thousand times during the day is possible and could be irritating to the other members of the household. How can you tell if you’re taking too many pictures? Monitor your shots and look for signs of irritation and boredom: Grandpa asleep in the chair, your wife looking embarrassed, your kids giving you the finger. Any of these are signs you may be overdoing it. Besides, if someone grabs it from you and snaps a pic of you in your new Christmas sweater, it may end up on the Internet. See number 2.

7. Take a day off from Zombie Apocalypse Preparation

I know. You don’t want to waste time because it could happen at any moment, but more than likely you’re safe to take a day off. Enjoy the day and get away from the fear. It consumes you at times, I know, but give it a rest. You’ll be surprised how refreshed you’ll feel and you’ll be ready to tackle that zombie trap you’ve been working on since Halloween right after the holidays are over. Feel at ease.

8. Don’t hang out with clowns

They are supposed to be cute, funny and cuddly, but they can also be dangerous. Most of the time they are drunk. Keep the eggnog away if you couldn’t resist having one over. You may have thought it would be fun for the kids, but if you ask them to be honest, they will probably inform you that they are scared shit-less of them. I mean, look at their makeup: Pasty white skin, droopy, bloodshot eyes, huge ominous mouths, and bulbous giant noses. How can anything that looks that way be cheerful? My advice, run!

9. Give the dog a present too

Pets are special and they appreciate Christmas gifts too. A new chew toy, an old slipper, a little nibble of turkey under the table, heck, my dogs love unwrapping presents. There was the year all of our gifts had been chewed open from the time Santa delivered them to the time we woke up. My kids loved their dog that year. He was definitely man’s best friend on that Christmas. Still, they deserve something. Even if it’s some Christmas Chili…Wait! We already covered that topic.

10. Hugs are healing

Gather your family up. Whether it be your wife, husband, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, mom, or dad, and give them all a hug. It does wonders for the soul and helps bring in the new year with a positive outlook. Hold tight to your loved ones, they are all that are really important in our lives and make sure you let them know how much they mean to you. I know I will. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

We all use the bathroom (at least I hope we do) and a lot of us have been in there when something unexplained has happened. I know for a fact that when the toilet flushes all by itself, it’s unexplained. Or a bad valve. But when you’re sitting (standing) there all alone, it can be pretty creepy. Especially if it’s accompanied by some weird voice asking you for a courtesy flush. Sheesh!

So, if you are concerned your bathroom is haunted, how can you tell? Hire a medium? Conduct a seance? Tap into your inner, misunderstood ESP talent? Don’t even bother. Here are a few tried and true tips to determine if your privy is possessed by a pesky poltergeist.

1. The toilet flushes by itself

As mentioned above, if the valve is good or has just been replaced, rest assured your mischievous entity is not enjoying your company.  A courtesy flush was in order and you failed to provide it in a timely manner. Just saying.

2. You can see mysterious messages written in the shower door

These only appear after a long, hot shower or bath. The condensation seems to act as a reagent on the residue left by the offenders finger. The most common message is “GET OUT!” See above about a courtesy flush.

3. The toilet paper roll mysteriously shrinks in size for no apparent reason

You just replaced the roll yesterday and you notice half of it is gone today. It has nothing to do with your wife’s bathroom habits or the teenage girl in the house. Just chalk it up to your very own entity sending you a signal. “Hey cheep bastard. This crap you bought in the discount bin at Walmart is killing me. Spend some money on actual paper, not burlap rolled onto a cardboard tube.” Ghosts can feel too.

4. Strange odors coming from the toilet

Gasses produced from ectoplasmic entities often leave a residue that can be quite unpleasant. In some cases they can also be flammable and explosive. If your olfactory glands pick up anything unusual, do not light a match as is a common practice, just realize you may not be alone and let it go. Or, if you must, mask the odor with some type of scented spray. Then get out as quick as you can.

5. Water Temperature

If, while showering or bathing, the water temperature fluctuates, you may have a ghost.  Some have felt the temperature of a room drop in the presence of an apparition, and in the bathroom, this can sometimes manifest as a change in water temp. Water pressure can fluctuate also, and if you experience both at the same time, more than likely, your dead Aunt Ethel has come to visit. Make sure you wash behind the ears.

6. Faces in the mirror

A face in the mirror is a clear indication of a haunted bathroom. If you turn around and there is nothing there, you may feel like screaming. A bloody face in the mirror usually invokes some kind of primal response and you may find that you, in fact, needed the bathroom at that moment but forgot the facilities were right there. A mop and cleaning products will probably be needed next if, in fact, you can find the courage to stop screaming and return to the room.

7. Public restrooms

Many folks have issues with public restrooms and for good reason. Who knows what or who used the facility prior to you and though you may only concentrate on the actual sanitary practices of the prior occupant, special attention may need to be paid to things that go bump in the night (toilet).

Toilets flushing, stall doors slamming, faucets running, all of these can be signs the lavatory may be haunted. Especially if you thought you were the only one in the place.

People have reported moaning, crying, laughing, giggling, and farting in the stall next to them only to find the unit empty upon further inspection. If this has happened to you, the thought of using a public place of potty probably fills you with dread and terror. I don’t blame you. There’s nothing like sitting in an unoccupied loo when the room temperature suddenly drops and you feel a presence that doesn’t necessarily convey solitude for your activity. My imagination would go wild. Time to finish and get the hell out.

8. Portable toilets

John’s Jons usually don’t invoke images of comfy, quiet time alone, but when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go, and they will work in a pinch (did I actually just say that?). We’ve all seen the movies or TV shows where ‘Johnny’ is in the Jon and a car runs into it and tips it over, or a crane picks it up and tips it over, or an elephant runs into it and tips it over…you get it. It’s always being tipped over.

You’ll know the Porta Pot you’re using is haunted if it’s tipped over while you’re in it.

Harsh reality, I know, but a ghost that will haunt a portable toilet is one who is particularly pesky. Maybe they think it’s funny and there’s little humor in the afterlife for them. Just saying…

9. An outhouse

Very similar to a portable toilet but without the portable built in. Do any of these actually exist any more? According to Wikipedia they do. The latrine, bog, KYBO, biffy, outhouse, dunny, long-drop, thunderbox, night soil, and poop pit all have ties to many parts of the world. In my mind, it’s always in the back yard of some farmhouse. And it’s never used except in the middle of the night when it’s dark and lonely. Perfect place for a poltergeist if you ask me.

If you find yourself lucky enough to experience the wonderful world of outdoor refuse maintenance, be cautious if you hear strange noises coming from the hole you’re propped over. It could be some kind of varmint looking for a late night snack, or it could be an outhouse ghost.

A cool draft blowing through your nether regions would suggest the presence of noxious fumes associated with the lack of ventilation (heck, all you get is that stupid little moon cut out of the door), but it some cases it could be some past resident of the house who didn’t find the  bright light. Anyplace that still has an outhouse has to be ancient and we all know ghosts haunt old and creepy places. I’d suggest holding it if I were you.

10. Walmart

Walmart holds a special place in the hearts of most Americans and though most have not visited that wonderful room they place right next to the layaway desk, I’ve been there and have determined it haunted. All of them. Fortunately, they are not possessed by some otherworldly demon or entity (though in some cases, those would be preferable), but are occupied by the creatures known as The People of Walmart. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just Google the term. I assure you it will be worth the time taken.

Not only is the Public Restroom at Walmart haunted by these folks, but the whole store is filled with all kinds of manifestations. It’s enough to put your head in your hands and run screaming out of the automatic doors without so much as a “Good day” given to the greeter.

The lingerie section is another place that will make you think you’re possessed. Leave and never return. I’m just warning you.

Bathroom ghosts can be your friend

Not all haunted facilities are bad. Ghosts can actually be your friends if you can just get past the fact they are invading a very private space where very private functions are performed. Preferably, I like my privacy, but if the pesky poltergeist who likes progressive potties is polite and apolitical, I would give them plenty of time to prove their point and present me with poetic versions of Playboy and Penthouse. Not that I read  those in the can, but I could be persuaded if the conditions were right.

As the Boy Scouts of America say about their outdoor facilities, I’ll leave you with the definition of KYBO. It’s an acronym which they created and chant while in their KYBOs. “Keep your bowels open.”

Have a creepy day!

Some of my favorite youthful tales involved one-armed axe murderers, deranged circus carnies, clowns that called themselves Pennywise, and the occasional Burger King Worker with the paper hat. The stories usually started with darkness and the timing of smores construction. This, of course, brought out the guitar, and when no one could take it anymore, someone would say, “Hey, did you hear about the…” Of course we had, but it never seemed to prevent the stories from being rehashed and reinvented. The girls screaming and the boys trying to scare the girls was the norm. Such fun, and it usually continued until little Johnny, who always got too excited and always ate too many smores, threw up all over little Jane, and the fun time came to an end. I don’t know about you, but smores vomit is definitely a party killer. Later in my life, when somebody puked up beans and franks after having too many rum and Cokes, it was completely hilarious. Too bad everybody didn’t see the humor in regurgitation back at ye ol’ camp of summer.

I always wondered back then if any of those stories were true. I mean, wasn’t that the purpose? To scare the crap out of you, so you stayed up all night, or peed your pants because you were too afraid to leave the tent to take a leak in the woods in the middle of the night? I never peed my pants. Just saying. But I always thought there had to be some basis of fact to the stories. Nobody could just make that crap up, right?

Some of the most popular urban legends that seem to be based in truth have survived for quite a few years. There’s the ‘I found a freaking dead body under my mattress at the hotel’ legend. Turns out that this one actually happened. In Las Vegas. Well, according to urban legend it did. Or how about the buried alive legend. Some poor slub was thought to be dead, but only sleeping, and buried in his coffin only to be dug up years later with scratch marks on the underside of the lid. This also turned out to be true, as back in ye olden times, the art of death determination lacked the scientific and medical skills of the modern day. A lot of people were thought to be dead and really just almost dead. In fact, in the late 19th century, they had something called a ‘safety coffin.’ It came with some kind of bell, or flag, that could be manipulated from inside the buried coffin in case your dear Aunt Rufus woke up after her alleged death by possum pie. Those devices were only privy to the wealthy. You had to have the money for it. Back to clowns. There’s the one where a babysitter sends the kids she’s watching to bed and she notices a creepy clown statue in the room when she returns. She hadn’t noticed it before. She calls the parents to ask them about it and they say they don’t own a creepy clown statue. It then proceeds to kill her somehow. I know I’ve seen a commercial recently portraying this legend. The reality was based on a murderer who was a midget (little person) and he lived in people’s attics stealing their food. He would freeze if anybody saw him. Ok, that’s probably not real, but it’s a whopper (not Burger King again. Sheesh. Paper hats…paper hats…paper hats.)

As an author, these little tidbits of fiction and reality are great for feeding the imagination and, as I’m sure you can attest, there are a lot of wild imaginations out there. Wouldn’t it be cool if one of your, or my, ideas became an urban legend? Something that no one else had thought of or maybe no one else had discovered? Mummies are cool. Vampires suck (sorry, I couldn’t resist). The Zombie Apocalypse is on everyone’s mind. How about a dummy that has been put into a frozen pool and when they pull it out, it turns out to be a real dead kid. That would never happen. I’m just saying.

Frozen Past.

Myths, urban legends, urban truths, they are all part of our culture and heritage and if we paid as much attention to them as, say, the group One Direction, we would probably learn something, and just maybe, be able to survive that inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. True That! In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your urban legends. I know there has to be some doozies out there. While you type them out, I’ll go and have some PopRocks and a Coke.

Yours in creepiness.

Rich